After GETTING OUT - GET BACK INTO THE GROOVE

Divorce can leave you reeling, but when you start to pick up the pieces of your life and decide to move back into dating, it can feel a bit strange. If you were married for a long time, you may even feel too intimidated to try dating again. Have no worries, you can jump back into dating and actually enjoy finding out about yourself and meeting other people in the process. The following list offers ideas on how to get prepared for dating, how to go about reconnecting and finding dates, and what to do when you actually start dating.


Re-establish Your Identity
Being a part of a couple for a while will certainly take some of your individuality away. Take advantage of this time after your divorce to find that individuality again. Learn new hobbies, find old friends, and treat yourself with respect. This list tells you how to do that and more.

• Let go of the past. You will not be able to move forward until you resolve your feelings about the break-up of your marriage and the divorce. Once you work through these feelings, you’ll find yourself in a much better place to go on with your life.
• Rekindle old interests. Did you have a passion for photography before you got married? Pick up that camera again. You may find that you can rediscover yourself through those interests you pushed aside during the marriage.
• Find new interests. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to paint or go kayaking. Taking up new interests now will help you rediscover qualities about yourself you may have forgotten. It will also get you out and meeting new people.
• Learn to enjoy your own company. After living with someone for a while, it can be difficult to enjoy doing things alone. Find ways to have fun on your own.
• Take care of yourself. If you’ve gained a few extra pounds, find a way to get some exercise. Eat healthily and take time to pamper yourself. If you feel good about the way you look and feel, others will too.
• Lose the negative self-image. If you feel poorly about yourself, you are likely to attract people who will treat you badly. Make a list of your good qualities and remind yourself often of them. Work on building yourself up.
• Develop new friendships. You don’t have to ignore your old friends, but often it is helpful to have a new network of friends who didn’t know you and your ex as a couple. New friendships and support systems can help ease your transition after divorce.
• Reconnect with old friends. Track down old friends with whom you’ve lost touch over the years. Whether you find you’ve still got lots in common or you’ve both moved on, it will likely enrich your life anyway.
• Volunteer. No matter if you have a lot of free time or almost none, there is some place you can volunteer your time. Devoting some time working for others is a great way to discover new things about yourself.
• Start a new career. If you’ve been working in a job you hate or if you were staying at home with the children, after a divorce is a good time to start down a new path. Start taking steps to get you going toward that career you’ve always wanted. Perhaps you can go back to School, better yourself and enjoy LIFE. 
• Facebook. Find your friends on Facebook, then share photos, play games like Scrabulous, and keep up with what’s happening in their lives. Facebook allows you to adjust privacy controls so that you can choose who sees your profile information.
• MySpace. Like Facebook, MySpace allows you to connect with friends and stay current with their lives. MySpace offers music on the profiles and you can personalize your page to your liking.
• Twitter. If you just want to keep your friends updated and know what they are up to, Twitter allows you to type in a short update that goes out to your friends. If you like getting messages on your phone, have the updates go directly there.  
• Don’t talk about the divorce. Especially if you just finalized the divorce or it was particularly messy, the temptation to talk about the details will be strong. Resist the temptation and focus on the person across the table from you instead.
• Show interest. You have accepted or asked someone on a date, so spend that time finding out about them. Try not to compare them to your ex, but find out what makes them unique and fun to know.
• Don’t go too fast. The unexpected loneliness of divorce or the desire to fill a gap left empty by your ex may drive you to want to remarry right away. Instead, slow down and enjoy the chance you have to enjoy meeting others or reconnecting with your interests.
• Relax. Leave your insecurities about being out of the dating scene at home. Have fun, enjoy your date, and you will find that your date will appreciate you for just being yourself.
• Be accepting. Know that your date has also lived a full life that may not be exactly what you expect. Be accepting of the fact that your date may have commitments to children, debt from divorce, or any other number of factors that you might not have anticipated.
• But don’t settle. Just because you are feeling lonely, don’t settle for less than what you deserve. A woman who always breaks your dates to be with her friends or a man who treats you with no respect are just not worth your time.
• Be aware of old patterns. If you have a history of dating (or marrying) a certain type of person, learn how to break the cycle. Especially if your past choices have lead you to dangerous situations such as drug abuse or violence, seek help to learn how to get away from your old patterns.
• Whether to have sex. Whether or not to have sex with your date or how quickly to engage in sex may have a very different feel after being married. You may want to jump right in there again or need to take things slowly. Listen to yourself and do what you need. Better still, stay away from it. Might just change a lot. 
• Practice dating. Let yourself go out with people who might not be the perfect match. This allows you to get back into the swing of things with a lot less pressure to make the date go perfectly.
• First relationship. Many experts believe that the first real relationship after your divorce is an important one for the healing process. Statistics indicate that this first relationship is very unlikely to last, but it provides you a chance to make the transition into your new life.

These will get you Back in to the GROOVE. MOVE on and enjoy your LIFE. It's too short to WASTE it away.