Lastnight i saw the best romantic comedy / dramas i’ve seen since Brown Sugar (slight spoiler below, not too bad). Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married”, starring Janet Jackson and Jill Scott was true to life with the good and the bad. i included the trailer below, but it doesn’t even really do the movie justice…it’s not predictable or cheesy. the entire cast nailed their roles…both jill and janet both made the movie come to life other than the others which could pass for some Naija series. This was my 3rd time of seeing this movie.....but the reason why i wanted to write about this is because i wanted to share with everyone the “80-20 Rule” for relationships. this rule was discussed by the four guys while they were sitting outside. the two “good men” were explaining the logic behind the rule to the two less than good men. don’t confuse this rule with the economic and philosophical rules out there…this one applies to relationships.
The Rule:
In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. There are times when we will find someone who fills in the wholes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. But be carefully taking risks of cheating, or leaving your 80%…because what you will be left with, is that 20%. Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80%"
this rule is TRUE! in the movie, one of the guys hates that his wife is as big as she is…he constantly makes fun of her weight and finds himself a thinner hottie. he wants to leave his wife for her, and does. then later in the movie, he realizes he has this hot, thin woman on his arm…but she doesn’t have any of the qualities that his ex did. so he’s left with 20%. same thing can happen if you cheat with that 20%…you may get caught, get the boot, and lose your 80%.
in real life, i’ve seen this occur in my friends relationships. I know some women who have good men, but there are things they think these men just don’t do for them. maybe it’s that these men don't want to DO anything fun, maybe he doesn’t like to gossip or talk about mushy stuff, maybe he’s not as attractive as other guys, may be after marriage these women may claim their men don't satisfy them as they should. and then…here comes along this guys who can satisfy that missing link. tempting, eh for the women and yeah make no mistake same applies to guys who may think their women are not all that they ask for yet they are filling the 80% rule yet being as men as we are oh sorry as they are will rather see the little 20% else where and decide to go after that regretting afterwards.....
but you have to ask yourself if the list of things missing is longer than the list of what’s there, time to move on. but if your list of what’s there is longer than the few things missing…try to talk to your man or woman and make it work! but if it’s still a lost cause and the thing that’s missing is unfixable, might be time to seek some REAL GOOD COUNCELLING. i’m a firm believer in councelling from an expperienced person or couple ... if you are okay with finding a friend to do the fun activities with, then no problem. but if it makes you sad that your man isn’t a fun activity partner, than it’s really just a waste of time. imagine if you just ignore your dissatisfaction and you find yourself married 10yrs later, totally unhappy and feeling locked in ::shutter:: I pray that does not happen to you. God bless you
good luck out there! don’t ruin a good thing if you got it, and if you don’t got it…move on!
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